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Mong; Army Rumour Service colloq. NOUN.

ARRSE definition: a very stupid individual and often a dangerously disturbed window-licking stim dullard. Super-glued to ARRSE, they are argumentative antisocial mental cunts, crayoning tripe, trolling, or stalking people across the forums. Inclined to haunt threads round-the-clock, most of ARRSE's mongs hang out in the Brexit Forum and Poo-Poo Head threads, arguing and scribbling every day for years and years.

ARRSE has several politicised loons and retards logging on 24/7/365, courting negative attention and arguing ad-infinitum. Incessant bellendery in the Boris Johnson thread is a good example. ARRSE mongs include long-term users, civvies, trolls and mad Crabs. Billy-no-mates, suffering from apparent personality disorders, a victim complex and paranoia. The Ignore function is usually the best remedy.


Examples: "Baglock the Mong". Or ARRSE is infested with "tour-dodging STABs, Brexit-obsessed mongs and never-served civvie turds" (Mod Theresa_May).

See also: Supermong | Speshul Category for ARRSE's superlative shitcunt mongtards.

Down Syndrome Excluded

Not to be confused with the genuinely disabling Down Syndrome which does not qualify for the ARRSE mong label: ARRSE mongs are just dribbling belters with no excuse.

The ARRSE "Poo-Poo Head" Sticky Thread

A thread purposely opened by The_Duke (Mod) in September 2018, in the "rather vain hope" that "more general handbagging would be reduced across other threads". Besides being instructive and revealing, it shows the levels of intellectual challenge as amply demonstrated by the squabbling mongs therein. It is a virtual, isolated "pig pen to roll about in", after various loons were breaking the site rules and launching teddies through their own windows. In summary it's a useful resource for pinging mongs, demented Sock Puppets, and trolls, some of which end up nominated for SPOTY during the annual Site Penis of the Year elections.

Unfortunately, ARRSE's Poo-Poo Heads struggle to understand simple rules: the thread is ARRSE's version of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Meets The Bash Street Kids, all safely locked up in a padded cell. As per the Bugsy specific threads: if miscreant users insist on random crayoning and handbagging across decent threads, then "offenders can expect to get time on the naughty step like the other children".

The thread provides an opportunity for cocks and nobbers to dress up in various socks, troll, flame, and generally shout at pigeons, causing carefully chosen targets to "froth like fizzy diarrhoea" or "dance like angry chimps". Also, "old duffers smelling of Werthers, Old Holborn and BAOR alcoholism - must call each other "poo-poo heads" or take their tedious drivel back to the 'Old and Bold' forum. [Their] demented ramblings infect enough of the site already" (copyright The_Duke, 2018).

Emperor Mong

His Holiness The Emperor of All Mongs (PBUH) and the all-conquering instigator of epic batshit fcukwittery invariably frequents ARRSE. Be it Walts, Sock Puppets or broken-brain bellends: His Holiness always finds willing disciples from an ample supply of ARRSE Toilets.

Brexit and Political Junkie Mongs

These unemployed lonely wastrel psychotic dullards have fcuk all better to do. Using ARRSE as their political playground instead of its intended purposes: more dribbling mongs than you could shake a stick at - Graculus, Brotherton Lad etc - are invariably trolling in the numerous ARRSE tedious Brexit threads and other areas of the site.

How to Spot a Mong

The most obvious ARRSE mongs need no introduction to regular visitors. Fond of cliché memes like "gammony", "old cunts" and "glad you're not bothered": ARRSE's racist and ageist retards are mainly responsible for popular, sane contributors leaving the site in droves. Adding negative value to the site, trolling mongs are dysfunctional batshit retards drinking the COSHH stock and causing disruption. In summary, mongs are 'speshul' users e.g. fcuktards, XRWs and XLWs, baiters and psychos.

Unremarkable Dullards

The majority of ARRSE mongs have nothing whatsoever in common with professional soldiers (squaddies). ARRSE's prolific mongs may be sociopathic but they are usually impotent, friendless and markedly antisocial. Most ARRSE mongs either never wore the Queen's uniform or they never deployed for war during their unremarkable military service. In summary they are shit in bed and wear chocolate medals.

The New ARRSE Vermin Mong

Other than Right Wing gobshites: chopsy never-served civilians, self-important Left Wingers and bellend Marxists, idiot civil serpents and Common Purpose cronies, are by far the most unpleasant and virulent mongs on ARRSE, stealing a march on the old ARRSE Vermin.

Mong Buttons (ARRSE Forums)

The "mong buttons" are the collection of pointless approval rating icons underneath every post, to be used instead of the brain, fortunately for the mongs. Admin thought these icons would be a good idea *cough*.

Since the site became factionalised in to pathetic political camps of loony lefties, ARRSEwipes, Libtards and neo-Nazi fascist types: psychotic mongs can only bash the buttons with impotent rage.

Button Bellendery

Equivalent to retards pulling the legs off spiders or a psychopath boiling your pet bunny: highly-disturbed thundercnuts often stalk their prey across the site just to 'mong-button' a member's entire posting history.

Mongs actually believe that furiously down-voting a post ("mong rating") really hurts members and jolly well serves them right. This is more commonly female hormonal behaviour. Yet these mongs can never formulate a cogent argument, not that cogent arguments appear very often on ARRSE.


Supermongs on ARRSE include rabid political junkies, broken-brain socks, STABs, and unemployed civvy bellends. All are hopeless cases. Mostly monging-out permanently in the Brexit threads, ARRSE Supermongs are superlative, window licking schizoid uber-cunts unlike any other. Usually Left Wing or Right Wing dullards, they all excel as extremely irritating retards, such as ARRSE Users 'B-Squared' a.k.a. 'Far_King_L'; 'Brotherton Lad'; 'Graculus', or the asinine schoolboy fantasist 'Amazing Lobster'.

However, for sheer cuntery and psychopathic lunacy: SPOTY Baglock - the batshit Euromong cross-dressing belter - is (to date) the best example of the broken-brain Supermong. Gobshite candidates for Supermong status include 'Pants O'Flame' Bugsy, along with user earth and his fetish for anti-British vitriol since 2012. Not forgetting numerous trolling belters knitting Sock Puppets faster than a Scottish Woollen Mill.

It's Not All Bad News for Mongs

Despite their affliction, mongs are often valued members of ARRSE because they are speshul forces with a lot to offer (of little worth). They are predictable knob-jockeys, strange, and mental. More importantly, who else would collect all the trolleys in Sainsbury's car park? - or moderate websites.



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