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Jihad

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Some Jihadis in Luton yesterday.

In a word... WAR! And a holy one too. Let's face it, if you're going to start a fight, best have the big guy on side.

Jihad is an act perpetrated by Mujihadeen - an Arabic word meaning 'One Who Jihads Lots', and indeed 'Jihad' is itself an Arabic word. Well, it would be wouldn't it? Once little known, it has now entered the lexicon of common usage - especially in places such as Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and Leicester.

The basic idea is to declare hostilities on everyone else then kill yourself in a variety of amusing ways. In order to do this properly, one should excitedly yell out Islamic quotes, like "Allahu Akbar!" ("God is the most great!") or "Bism'illah ir'Rahman ir'Rahim" ("In the name of Allah, most compassionate, most merciful"). The irony of the latter phrase is lost on them.

Jihads are quote popular and calls for them are issued on an almost daily basis - a bit like fatwahs only bigger. Think your common-or-garden death threat and go large. Jihad is coming to a doorstep near you soon - if not already.

Unfortunately however, large sections of the Muslim community only pretend to be Jihadists in order to score more children and drugs. Some even pen ghastly poetry about the rightness of Jihad, then cry like snuffleposters when they are arrested and threatened with deportation to the sort of countries they rave about.

Eagle-eyed observers might be able to spot Sesame Street's Bert in the above image. Hint - to the right of bin laden's nose!